I just threw up on my dentist
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
