put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
