6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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