I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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