There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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