Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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