Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize