when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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