Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize