I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
