Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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