I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
