dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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