i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
