I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
