I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
