Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
