I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize