Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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