Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
