I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
