Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
