just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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