Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
