Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize