What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
