Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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