my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
