tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
