She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
