If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
