So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
