Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
