She went from zero to smokin in five shots
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dick very happy bro
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