Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize