I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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