i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
