Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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