I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
