What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
