let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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