wrigley field is MILF paradise
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
