i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
