No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
only you would photoshop your dick
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
