Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
