Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
