I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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