There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
