there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
