Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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