It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
