is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
