If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it was like eating out sand paper
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
