Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize