i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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