grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
