May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
