Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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