Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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