I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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