If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
