i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
