I can text with my tongue
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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