Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize