thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
