she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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