Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
