I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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