I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
