Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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