we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
