Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
