somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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