the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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