the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
