Heybabeimwearingurpanties
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
