is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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