Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
