Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
