...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A bitchslap is in order.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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