see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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