I can text with my tongue
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
