my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
