oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
